by Linda Maher Adams
Door County Advocate, Sturgeon Bay, WI
A fine man died today.
His name never appeared in any newspaper articles; he didn't attend college; he never ran for public office and left this world with far too few material possessions to his name. He did, however, father nine children and was loved by scores of friends for his gentle and caring ways.
He was the man who would give a needy friend the proverbial shirt off his back. He was the kind of person who would pack up his tribe of kids into a car on a cold winter day, add a couple of neighbor friends and head for the hills with sleds and a dog. He never minded if he was the only adult on the skating pond gliding across the ice with his daughters.
This non famous person was a confidant of many including lawyers and bank presidents and barkeepers and the unemployed.
He always felt his claim to fame was being named an all-state guard from a little Catholic high school and he relished his children's achievements in school and in life.
He was known as an avid reader and spent many post midnight hours with discarded college texts so he could talk with his highly educated friends.
Some of his friends used to laugh at his perpetual stops at the road side historical markers or his out of the way trips to see a famous Indian shrine (only to discover it was now in ruins).
Although he wasn't an important man his duties often prevented him from attending all of thte ballgames, concerts and PTA meetings he would have liked to see.
Often in his 31 years of parenting he felt he was not a success as he didn't always live up to his children's expectations. He wasn't always there when they needed him--although he would drive 300 miles in the middle of the night to bring his daughter home from Chicago for a weekend visit and many times traveled around the countryside looking for various ones of his five sons who were trying their wings out.
He could holler with the best of them when the kids got out of line but he was always anxious to set his kids on his lap to read a story or stroke their heads.
Everyone said he was the only man they knew who would pack four kids into a 1960 Ford and head 3,000 miles to Florida and call it fun.
I think this man probably fits the mold of someone known by us all but this man was my father--Jack Maher.
He died today unexpectedly at age 52. It was a great shock to pick up my office telephone to hear that he was gone. At age 31 this is the first time I've experienced the loss of a loved one as my grandparents are still living.
It was also hard because this year was the first of the nine I have lived away that I chose not to make the 500 mile trip "home" for Christmas.
As I sit grieving about all of the lost dreams my father had that will never come true I think with pride of the true worth of his life.
I was the daughter he encouraged to be the first of the clan to go on to college. He told me how he cried the day he dropped me off at my college dorm because he knew our relationship would be different from then on.
His joy at being a grandpa was dampened by the fact that his three grandchildren lived so far away and he never could bounce them on his knee.
His one greatest sorrow was not being able to provide all of the financial luxuries that children today desire.
I only hope that on this day of his death he knew how much we all loved him. His legacy to us all was the love he tried to bestow on each of his nine children and his wife of 28 years and his humanity to so many, many others who came to him for help and support in their times of need.
As always the regret of not having said all of these things to him before will linger on. I hope that someone reading this may be inspired to tell those close to them of their love today--and not tomorrow.
So, Dad, from Linda, Jack, Jill, Ed, Jeff, Scott, Mark, Jeanne, Beverly and Jean, know that our love for you and the time we had together and the lessons you taught us about life and loving and caring for our fellow man will be remembered by us and your grandchildren for years to come.
(Note: Jack Maher died of a massive heart attack at work)